Transitioning a foster child into your home and family is a delicate process that requires patience, empathy, and understanding. Here are six essential tips to make this transition smoother for both you and your foster child, using the acronym FOSTER:
F – Familiarity
If your foster child was in a previous foster home, speak with the social worker and, if possible, the previous foster family to understand their experiences and what was familiar to them. Recreate some of these familiarities in your home. For example, if they prefer tuna fish without relish, make sure you know that. If they had a special comfy toy, provide a soft stuffed animal for them to hold onto.
O – Observe
Watch and listen to their cues. This is a sensitive time, and they will be experiencing a significant sense of loss as they move from one home to another. Remember, 95% of communication is non-verbal. Use the OWL method: Observe, Watch, and Listen. Ask questions and encourage them to share their feelings, offering support by actively listening.
S – Security
Give them the space they need to feel secure. Bonding can take anywhere from six months to two years. Allow time for connection and autonomy. Children who have experienced multiple placements need a balanced dance of attachment, alternating between closeness and space, to build the trust necessary for a secure attachment.
T – Teach
Teach them everything about your household, such as the rules, where their toothbrush belongs, and what to do if they need something during the night, like more water or a snack. Clear instructions and guidance help them feel more at home and understand their new environment.
E – Empathy
Transitions can be challenging. Show empathy both verbally and non-verbally. While you may naturally want to rescue your child from the distress of transitioning, it’s essential to put your empathy mask on first and then help your foster child. Convey empathy with phrases like:
"This must be hard for you!"
"It is really hard, and you’re doing it, and we will get through this together."
 "I’m so sorry you feel so sad about _________."
Listen to the day I transitioned into my foster care family which is now an Audio Play What's Your Name, Who's Your Daddy?"
R – Resources
Find resources such as a support group in your area with other foster parents for advice and support. Attend the support group I started in Los Angeles at CeliaCenter.org Additionally, take one of my courses at PESI , "Adoption and Foster Care Strategies" which is full of therapeutic DIY interventions for building safety, trust, and connection with your foster child.
You can also watch my videos on my YouTube channel, Jeanette-ically Speaking about Adoption, Foster Care, and Mental Health.
By incorporating these tips into your routine, you can help your foster child feel more comfortable and secure in their new home, fostering a positive and supportive environment for everyone involved.
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