Ghost Kingdom: Exploring the Imagined Life of Adopted Children By Jeanette Yoffe, MFT

Every adopted child carries invisible threads of curiosity—questions about where they came from, who their birth family might be, and what life could have looked like in a different world. This inner world is what psychologist Betty Jean Lifton called the “Ghost Kingdom”...an imagined space where children fill in the blanks of their story.

This therapeutic intervention invites children, teens and adults to explore that space with creativity, safety, and compassion.

What Is the Ghost Kingdom?

The Ghost Kingdom is a mental and emotional landscape where adopted children imagine alternative versions of their lives—often wondering, “What if I had stayed with my birth family?” or “What did my birth parents look like?” It’s a normal, healthy part of identity development, not a rejection of their adoptive family.

Exploring these questions doesn’t mean a child is ungrateful or disloyal—it means they are curious, human, and trying to understand the whole of who they are.

🎨 Materials Needed

Large sheet of paper or a journal

Markers, colored pencils, crayons

Stickers, glitter, and other decorations (optional)

Prompt cards with questions like:

“What would my life have been like if…?”

“Who do I imagine my birth parents are?"

Mirrors for self-reflection (optional)

Symbolic items (small cutouts of homes, hearts, etc.)

🛠 Step-by-Step Process

1. Introduce the Concept

Start by explaining that everyone has thoughts about “what could have been.” It’s perfectly okay to wonder, imagine, and even dream about a different life. These thoughts don’t take away from the love in their current family—they simply add richness to their story.

2. Build Their Ghost Kingdom

Invite the child to draw or write about the life they imagine. Where would they live? Who would be there? What would they do together? There’s no right or wrong—this is their private kingdom of “what if.”

3. Use Gentle Prompts

Offer questions to deepen their reflection:

“What kind of home do you see yourself in?”

“Who are the people in your imagined family?”

“What do you think your birth parents might be like?”

4. Honor What Emerges

If the child is open to sharing, listen without judgment. Validate their feelings and reassure them that imagining another life doesn’t mean they have to choose. Both realities—the imagined and the real—can coexist in their heart.

5. Bridge Back to the Present

Once they’ve explored their Ghost Kingdom, help them reflect on their current life. Invite them to draw or write about the family they’re part of now, their favorite memories, or what makes them feel loved today.

6. Offer a Closing Ritual (Optional)

For children who benefit from symbolic closure, consider folding their Ghost Kingdom drawing into an envelope or placing it in a special box. This helps them know the door to their inner world is always there—but they are safe in the present.

💫 Why This Matters

The Ghost Kingdom activity is a powerful way to honor an adoptee’s full emotional experience. Instead of silencing curiosity, it encourages openness, creativity, and healing. When children are given permission to explore their imagined stories, they are more able to embrace their truth—and find peace in both where they come from and where they are now.

Listen to Betty Jean Lifton talk about the Ghost Kingdom: