My Questions and Answers BOX Intervention for Fostered and Adopted Children by Jeanette Yoffe M.F.T.
- Jeanette Yoffe, M.F.T.
- Mar 17, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 15
GOAL: To help a child externalize unanswered questions and provide a container for their life experiences—asking who, what, when, how, and why. This tool also offers a stalling tactic for caregivers or professionals when they don’t have an immediate answer. Questions are acknowledged, placed in the box, and answered within a set timeframe (e.g., 1–3 days or 1 week). AGE RANGE: 4–17 suggested
SETTINGS: Individual & Family Therapy or DIY at home
SYMPTOM REDUCTION: Anxiety, helplessness, confusion
SYMPTOM INCREASE: Empowerment, understanding, and meaning-making
MATERIALS:
2 small boxes (any kind, with or without lids)
Index cards or small sheets of paper
Pen or pencil
Materials to decorate the boxes (markers, stickers, colored paper, etc.)
METHOD:
1. Create the Boxes
Introduce the first box as the “Question Box,” a safe place to hold the child’s questions about their adoption, foster care experience, and past.
Introduce the second box as the “Answer Box,” which will eventually hold answers to those questions.
2. Personalize the Boxes
Allow the child to decorate and name each box, helping them take ownership of the process and building emotional significance.
3. Filling the Question Box
Encourage the child to write down questions or draw them (if too young to write). A caregiver or therapist can assist with writing. Reassure the child:
“We may not know all the answers right away, but we now have a place to hold your questions outside of your body. You don’t have to carry them all alone.”
4. Answering the Questions
Once the questions are collected, ask the child which one they’d like answered first. Let them know that an answer will be provided in a few days (1–3 days or 1 week) so the adult has time to gather accurate, age-appropriate information. This respectful delay gives space to respond thoughtfully and compassionately.
This box also serves as a "stalling tactic" for parents to gather the information on their own, identify what is age-appropriate consulting with an adoption competent therapist, so parents can help their adopted children make sense and understand.
5. Model Curiosity and Containment
When a child asks a difficult question and you’re unsure how to respond, say:
“That’s a great question—let’s put it in your Question Box,” and take a calming breath together.
6. Answer Box Integration
Once an answer is ready, it can be written (or drawn) on a new card, stapled to the original question card, and placed in the Answer Box for the child to revisit when needed.
7. Involve Others as Needed
Questions can also be shared with others who may have more insight—birth family members, foster parents, social workers, attorneys, or therapists—to help piece together the child’s life story.
EXAMPLES OF QUESTIONS:
Why am I in foster care?
What happened to my mommy or daddy?
What were their talents?
Do I have any brothers or sisters?
Why did my mommy give me up?
Where is my mommy now?
Who is my daddy?
Can I get a picture of my mommy or daddy?
What happened to my foster family?
Is this my forever family?
Can I write a letter to my foster family?
Why couldn’t they keep me?
This intervention promotes emotional safety, builds trust, and empowers fostered and adopted children to process the unknowns in their lives with support, clarity, and care.
How to Make a Question Box Explained:
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